The Dos and Don’ts of Dating with Herpes

Nov 28, 2022

Some of you don’t even know what herpes is. But I reckon you didn’t just stumble upon this article, you’re most likely here because you want to know more about herpes and what you should do and not do in a relationship if you or your partner( be it a girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife) have herpes.

Well, stumble or not, you’re in the right place, my friends. You’ve stumbled upon the genie with all the answers you seek regarding the dos and don’ts of dating with herpes. Let’s delve right into it.

So what is herpes?

Herpes is an Std, a sexually transmitted disease. Herpes Simplex Virus as it is sometimes called is a virus causing contagious sore that is found mostly around the mouth or the genitals. It is very contagious and can be contracted through kissing as well as sexual intercourse. There is a small chance of not contracting the virus through kissing but it's not advisable to kiss someone who has herpes or to kiss someone when you have herpes, except if your intention, is to give the person the disease. You can even get the disease from ordinary skin-to-skin contact,  provided your skin comes in contact with the sores on the body of someone who is infected with the virus. I did call it a sexually transmitted disease, so yes! You should not have sex with someone infected with herpes except if you want to use the almighty condom. Well isn’t that great? How lost we would have been without condoms. Bless whoever it is that invented it. So back to herpes; let’s get into the dos and don'ts of dating with it

Dos and don'ts of dating (with herpes)

Perhaps the first thing you should know is herpes has outbreaks. And it is during this outbreak that you stand the chance to infect someone or get infected by someone with the virus. So it might be safe for you to engage in normal dating activities when the person you’re dating (who is infected with herpes) is not having an outbreak. Take a peak at the list below.

The don’ts

• No oral sex: Herpes is very contagious and can be contacted through skin-to-skin contact, so you should not have oral sex with a person infected with herpes as you stand more chance of getting the virus this way. 
• No kissing: I know it can be annoyingly frustrating to not be able to kiss whoever you’re dating no matter the reason. But if you’re going to date someone with herpes you have to have it at the back of your mind that it will most likely not be a normal relationship as there are some things you won’t be able to do with your partner. At least not like you’ll be able to with someone without herpes. 
• No sex (vaginal or anal): In case you mistook me for mentioning no oral sex it means you can go ahead to have bouts of anal and vaginal sex. Well, you can’t. Herpes is an STD remember, a sexually transmitted disease! So no sex, not oral, not vaginal, and not even anal.
• Don’t keep it from whoever you’re dating: let’s assume you are already in a relationship before you discovered you have herpes. Don’t keep it from your partner. The right thing to do in such a situation is to have a discussion with your partner, tell him or her when you found out you are infected with the virus, and let him/her know you can continue the relationship without them getting infected provided you follow the necessary steps.
• Mitigate or avoid sex, especially during an outbreak: periods, when you’re having an outbreak, is the worst time to get cozy or intimate with your partner as they are more likely to get infected by the virus when you’re having an outbreak.

Lighten up, let’s talk about the things you can do when dating with herpes. Well, the thing is you can do most of all the things I mentioned earlier. Relax! I’m not toying with you. Just hang in there I’ll explain in a bit.

The dos

• Always use a condom: I know I said you can’t have any form of sex earlier. Using a condom cuts the risk of getting any form of sexually transmitted disease and herpes surely falls under one of these diseases. So always use a condom whenever you want to have sex with your partner.
• Use dental dam: aside from having sex (with the use of condoms), you can also kiss your partner and not infect them with the herpes virus if you use dental dams.
• Administer suppressive medication: you can sometimes be asymptomatic when you’re having an outbreak and you may end up ignoring all the precautionary steps you are supposed to follow when you’re having an outbreak. How do you prevent such a dilemma? Simple! You avoid being caught unawares by taking suppressive medication. The good thing about taking suppressive medication is it prevents you from having an asymptomatic outbreak and also reduces your chances of getting an outbreak.
• Be spontaneous and creative: you don’t have to have sex in order to have “sexual” fun. Ironic right? There are several ways to have a good intimate time with your partner without docile penetration or any of the regular sexual activities like oral, anal, and vaginal sex. You can employ the use of a variety of sex toys to do the trick. That way you can still have a good time and still reduce the risk of contagion.

Final thoughts

Like all other STDs, herpes is not a death sentence, nor is it a disease that stops you from living a normal life. You might have to live on medication to manage it but you can still live a long fulfilling life. As you must have discovered by now you can also date even if you have herpes without transmitting it to your partner, though you have to keep the dos and don’ts in mind.