Should You Hide Your Herpes Conditions From Your Lover?
Feb 05, 2023
Genital herpes is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections in the united states that studies reveal to be affecting almost one in every six people.
The center for disease control (CDC) reveals that about 11.9% of people aged ranging from 11 to 49 years are affected by genital herpes.
A lot of people with herpes can present asymptomatic and as a result of this, they don’t know they have genital herpes infection.
American sexual health association revealed that about 90% of individuals with herpes infection don’t know they have the infection simply because they are asymptomatic (1).
However, if you are fortunate to be diagnosed early and you are aware of the fact that you have genital herpes, telling a spouse that you have herpes is probably one of the discussions you want to avoid having the least. It makes sense to be concerned about it.
The stigma around being diagnosed with sexually transmitted illnesses is still quite strong, and even the phrase "herpes" sounds unpleasant (STDs). You might be concerned that having genital herpes would make your partner feel differently about you, that it will harm your relationship, or that you won't be able to date (2).
Should You Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes?
Yes. Herpes infection is an STD that can cause uncomfortable symptoms and is a lifelong condition for those who contract it.
Your lover must be aware that having intercourse with you puts them at risk of contracting genital herpes. If you don't disclose that you have an STD to someone and they contract one from you, you may be sued in numerous US jurisdictions (2).
Herpes viruses spread quickly and easily. This is because herpes can travel from the genitals to the mouth and also from the oral cavity, the mouth to the genitals. The only thing required is skin-to-skin touch.
For this reason, discussing your overall sexual history, and not only herpes is equally crucial. As embarrassing as that seems, it gives you both the chance to decide if this is time to visit your doctor or a nearby health center for an STI test.
Hence, your lover must be aware that you have herpes and your general health status (3).
How To Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes
Talking freely and coming to decisions jointly is the best approach for partners to manage herpes. So how do you begin the conversation? There isn't one strategy that works best for everyone, but here is a step-by-step approach that can make this process simpler (4).
-
Before you disclose to them, practice
Practicing in advance can help you overcome your fear of telling a lover you have herpes.
Make a list of the important points you want to address (we'll go over them below), then practice your "script" in front of the mirror a few times until you are very comfortable speaking about it (5).
-
Educate yourself first about genital herpes
Both you and your partner must comprehend how the herpes virus spreads. By becoming more knowledgeable about herpes, you can allay your partner's anxieties and make it less confusing and frightening (6).
Pick your words carefully. You want to avoid overstuffing the conversation with unfavorable ideas.
Even if herpes is a disease, refrain from referring to it as a disease because it conjures up unfavorable ideas. Observe adjectives as well. Don't use words like "awful," "disgusting," or "incurable" to describe your illness (7).
Describe how to lower the risk of transmission by using barrier techniques like condoms and avoiding sexual intercourse when you have an outbreak in addition to daily suppressive medication.
Maintain a positive attitude; having herpes is not something to be embarrassed about (6).
-
Pick the right time to tell them
Be accountable and inform your spouse before engaging in any sexual intimacy. Choose a calm, quiet setting where the two of you can be alone and undisturbed.
Avoid entering the room suddenly or interrupting your spouse in the course of a task. To succeed to the fullest, you want their undivided attention and mental clarity (6).
The greatest time to tell your lover that you've got herpes is typically when you begin to anticipate having a sexual encounter.
After a date, your date can extend an invitation to visit them at home, making it clear that they are open to the possibility of developing the relationship further (5).
-
Set the right tone for the conversation
You want to be direct and certain, but you also don't want to present your infection as a major issue. Don't start a conversation with something like, "I've got some horrible news for you," or "Promise you won't freak out," since this establishes the incorrect tone and can cause your partner to freak out.
Instead, use phrases that aren't overtly negative. Say something like, "I just got a test result I did and it showed that I have a genital herpes infection" to begin the conversation (2).
-
Tell your partner how your infection will alter your sex life moving forward
You must discuss your sex life with your partner after explaining to them what herpes is, how it is contracted, and precisely what the symptoms are.
They need to understand that while there is a possibility they could contract the herpes infection from you, there are steps you can do to lessen the likelihood. However, there are basic tips to reduce the risk of transmission:
1. Avoid having sex during an outbreak
When you start to experience minor symptoms, desist from sexual intercourse even before a full-blown outbreak occurs
2. Use a barrier method, such as a condom
The use of a condom during sex will lessen the risk of transmission of genital herpes to your partner (6).
3. Adherence to treatment
Compliant with your medication and routine clinic visits as scheduled are very important to suppress the infection, and reduce the risk of transmission as well as complications (2).
References:
2. https://www.frommars.com/blog/how-to-tell-a-partner-you-have-genital-herpes
3. https://www.verywellhealth.com/should-i-tell-my-date-that-i-get-cold-sores-3132708
4. https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes-and-relationships/
5. https://www.forhims.com/blog/how-tell-someone-you-have-genital-herpes
6. https://herpalert.com/blog/2019/10/28/how-to-tell-your-partner-you-have-herpes-the-dos-and-dont/
7. https://www.webmd.com/genital-herpes/all-about-genital-herpes-how-tell-your-partner